Splinteredones's Blog

If u don’t know by now that once head defensive coach Jerry Sandusky has been charged with 40 counts of molesting little boys, with more popping up every day, don’t turn on the tv. Stay off the i.ternet read no newspaper and do not talk to your neighbors. It is a horrendous lying mess and you do not want to know.

For the rest of us, who do not live under a rock in America, are assaulted all day every day.  Sandusky takes breath.  Sandusky takes another breath, Patrno knew about it mentioned it to his boss who did nothing, Paterno drops ball.  Rapist runs free. 

As with every case that becomes a media darling, my news programs seem to be on the lookout for any shred of relevance that they can. I do not know how this coverage blitz has impacted the victims having nevr had justice myself, but i can talk about how it has impacted me.

I am a runaway train.  It takes all my energy to work out that Brave Face and i dunno for how much longer i can hold it up.  Ignoring it does not help me to process anything. Learn from anything. 

I wonder what would happen had the victims here not been little boys but little girls; I suspect there would not be near the coverage bomb. Guys in sports, guys in locker rooms, guys are impacted Especially Harmfully when they are the victims. For certain guys in the media are more fascinated.

I wonder about all the “faggot” tagging.  Jerry Sandusky may or may not be gay. That has nothing to do with him being a pedophile.

There’s justice. I never got it my perp died before i got the chance. It is a blessing and a curse to se that others atr getting theirs.

I am having flashbacks nightmares constant reels of my own child sexual abuse running in my head and it gets worse with every day. I am losing my grip. I see my pedophile’s face everywhere.  I cannot leave the house i cannot go away. Can’t drive or take public transportation and walking far is out.  I fear i will run into somebody some fucking perp. The guy on tv who was raping little boys is suddenly my own dead guy. I am very very confused. 

My thinking is very clouded. I can’t sit still and i can’t relax. I have decided that because my therapist is off today, AGAIN, that she cannot be invested in my mental health in any committed way. So there is a big new threat. 

I get really pissed off at what people say pretty much constantly. Media people talk about how it makes them sick to hear about these details they repeat over and over again.  Makes them sick?  Let us talk to people like me and then tell me all about how sad or angry or hopeless YOU feel. 

I can spin this thing around in a thousand views. But nothing is going to change anything.  Except possibly for me finding that therapist who gives a fuck.