I was chatting over twitter with a very dear friend today. We are both dealing with some issues around abandonment by our therapists and said friend said something that knocked me right over. That they don’t get the depths of our abandonment fears because that’s what happens when ur left for dead.
BAM! I had always assumed it was simple hypervigilance and delusion that caused me to so anticipate betrayals. But my friend hit it clean on its head.
Somethi.g happens to a child when they are left for dead. To have to collect oneself, try to make necessary repairs, then pull it up and go back to said persecutor’s physical location. No one and nothing can ever be really trusted again.
Being left for dead is about as uncaring harsh cruel a debasement as it gets. It has the stink of absolute worthlessness all over it. We bond to our perps, that Stockholm Syndrome thing. And then they assume we’re done in, useless, at some point and they leave us to suffer. For some prsons like me it happened over and over again. Left ya for dead he’d say. You are a tough little thing aren’t you? I left you for dead out there…..
This is going to be one longass day. Ouch.
Michelle aka grrlysquirrel75 said,
December 15, 2011 at 8:44 am
Although I have never had the experience of being left for dead, just the very thought is heart-wrenching to me. I have abandonment issues, too, because people that I thought were my friends would always leave me or leave me out. I used to have the mentality of leaving them before they left me, but that caused nothing but misery. You’ve done so much to pull yourself up from the depths of unimaginable darkness. Your inner strength is remarkable. Anyone that would abandon you when you possibly need them most has their own problems. It’s nothing to do with you.
splinteredones said,
December 15, 2011 at 8:49 am
Thank you hon. I do get that it is nothing personal. That my key pedophile was a monster and so all bets on humane deali.gs were off. But to me that holds true in any relationship i may be in now. Nothi.g personal.