Contagious Again

*****POSSIBLE TRIGGER BE CAREFUL!******

After a suredly long day fighting the blizzard we have therapy. We greatly value T, dare we say we like her? But today we do not wanna go. There is a picture in our head of a new girl, she’s around 7 or 8 maybe. Something horrendous has jus happened to her. Like 5 minutes ago it was over. She is bleeding and sick to her stomach and her clothing is all torn up. She is frozen and hysterical at the same time. She doesn’t have a sense of time, just this image trapped like an ancient fly in amber. We have a word and that’s about. A nasty sexual thing. There’s a horrific smell it is all just so vile.

This has never happened before, that we have a picture in our head. It has been here for a few days and we do not know what to do. Every fiber we can find is telling us to run away from therapy today though. Run fast run far don’t ever stop. Just keep running and maybe the voices will shut the hell up.

There is little doubt that T would want to see this poor little girl. But the problem is that we’re contagious and whatever sh*t that’s in us might stick to her. It might crawl under her skin and come to get her, too. She might be negatively impacted and that we just can’t abide.

How much crap can a person hold before it starts getting to them? How can we be responsible for causing anything like that?

The answer is that we can’t. The entire system is shut down , in a sort of a shock. Nobody knows what to do. We can’t go to hurt the woman and we can’t go and lie either. So I suppose our only option is to run away. Let the traveler come to take us far, far away.

We know that the whole point of trauma therapy is to deal with things like this. Exactly. But just how exactly does a person do that without negatively impacting the one who has to sit there and hear it all?

This blows. We don’t know what to do.

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2 Comments

  1. January 7, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    I won’t pretend that anything as horrific has happened to me, but I know I went out of my way to protect my therapist from the mess that was my head for months, for essentially the same reason.

    Rationality hardly works in these circumstances I know, but indulge me briefly. I suppose the key issue is that most decent therapists receive clinical supervision, so if she finds the revelations of this poor girl overwhelming, she should be taking that to supervision – in that way, it shouldn’t be the problem of any of you.

    But that’s easy to say, I know. At the end if the day yes, she will probably be horrified – how could she not be? What you’ve been through sounds so indescribably awful. And I suppose therein lies the reason that you must confront this with her if you possibly can; she will want to help that poor child, and all other suffering parts, to heal as much as they can.

    I’m very good at saying a lot of little help. But I felt I should say something, as I found your post so moving. I wish the pain of that child and of others that are suffering could be miraculously removed, but since it can’t, I’m sending my metaphorical hugs out to you all.

    Take care xx

    • January 7, 2010 at 5:42 pm

      Thanks and we will all take that hug! As we don’t seemto be able to shut up we’ll probably be writing more about this tomorrow. Turns out that T (for Therapist) says it’s her job to not let shite stick to her. Of course we believe that no one can recover from our mess because we haven’t been able to hah. But the woman is a pro, trauma and dissociation are what she does so she must know how to take care of herself. As it happened the New Girl couldn’t really verbalize much. Except that she loves physics????? Huh. Who knew.

      Thanks again for your kind words and for the hug. Back atcha!


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