She works hard for the money

*****TRIGGER WARNING PLEase be careful******

So. There is a new kid who is talking with her therapist. This new thing has just been beaten up kicked and sodomized five minutes ago She’s out in therapy and now there is no going back. She can’t hardly open her eyes to look at T or at her surroundings. The pain she is in is over the moon.

She sits there curled up in a ball, rocking. Barely verbal. Poor T saying I’d like to help you can you open your eyes and look around? Not so much.

T says can you tell me what has happened to you? No? Can you draw what happened to you? No? Do you remember anything before your uncle hurt you? Yeah they left me there. Your parents left you with him again? Yeah. Do you think they know what happens to you when they leave you there? Yeah. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. I hurt he hurt me and kicked me and he hit me. I sh*t myself Nd he kicked me. Aaaaaaacccccchhhhhhkkkkk. Aaaacccchhhhkkk. T says you are in this room with me and nobody can get you here. Uh-uh. Shrug. She says well I care about you a great deal and I would never hurt you. Shrug. Was I there when uncle Norman hurt you? Dunno. Did it happen to you in this room? Uh-uh. T says so that’s something different, right? Because I wasn’t there. Were there other people there when he hurt you? Yeah. Did they try to help you no they laughed. T says I want you to know that I want to help you it is not okay people hurting you like that. I care about you. Can you open your eyes and look at me. Aaarrrrcccchkkk. I hurt.

T says there are others who are with you do you know that. No. Your uncle is dead now and you live in an adult’s body do you know that? No. I hurt. He hurt me. T says I know he hurts you he has hurt you before hasn’t he? Uh-huh. Can you tell me what happened this time? Uh-uh. Can you look at me can you open your eyes? Aaarrrrcccchhh.

T says what happened to you was a very bad thing wasn’t if? Uh-huh. What did he do? Shrug. T says I want to help you I want you to think about the fact that you Re an adult now that your uncle Norman can never hurt you again because he is dead. Confused, shrug. Do you know that there are others who live inside you? Aaaarrrccchhh. I hurt. He hurt me. How did he hurt you? Curl up in a ball and begin to hyperventilate.

T says I want you to try to notice who else is in your body with you. There is a nanny who might talk to you. Will you talk to her? Uh-uh. I hurt. Uncle Norman hurt me.

T says I want to help you I need for you to open your eyes. Take some slow deep breaths can you do that? Shrug. T says do you know that you live with another woman now, one who doesn’t hurt you? Uh-uh. Do you know that you have cats now? Shrug. Do you like cats. Uh-huh.

T says well I am so glad to see you can I talk with Central now? Can you let her out? Shrug.

Five minutes later Central appears. T says there’s a new one who is in incredible pain yes I know. She’s bleeding all over everybody. Her pain is so immense it’s all that anybody can feel. We try to make contact but it is just too huge the hurt.

So the system is shut down. We feel nothing. Nothing physically or emotionally. Can’t focus intellectually. Just…done for now. T says does anybody know what happened to this little one? Well somebody does I’m sure keeping track of these things isn’t really my area of expertise….

So. My homework by the day after tomorrow is to come together to tAlk about the Narrative of this new little thing. I say shouldn’t we be sad or hysterical or something, anything? Shouldn’t we be able to cry? T says it’s in there we jus have to work to find it.

T says do you know why this new one has been stirred up? Yes, well awful things have just happened to her, it’s been like five minutes. She is out to let everybody know that things were done to her by someone else. What we are working on, right? What to do now that we know other people caused us to become the vile beast that we are. So somebody whoever does this kind o thing has brought up this image, this new form of abuse. This time the ante was upped in terms of what he actually did to her. So it only makes sense that this new one would be here just now. Force us into recognition that people hurt us who we loved trusted needed.

T says aren’t there more gentle compassionate ways to go abou this? Well apparently not.

T says you know that whatever you tell me about what happened to you won’t change my opinion of you. Snort that is hard to believe she says yes I know you’ll just have to live it.

The five year old is very concerned. She is so afraid that we are going to harm you. Here’s a piece of candy she brought you so you won’t be sad. Hah. Do you like peanutbutter and chocolate? Yeah totally well then you are gonna love this thing. She does this apparently, this little 5 year old. She gives little presents so T will not be sad.

So here we sit. Trying to not rip ourself apart as we sit in the shadow of such horrific events. Feeling not one thing. This is hard.

We don’t know that we will be able to tell this story anytime soon. Somebody who doesn’t give a sh*t about any of them will have to step up. What happens from there is anybody’s guess. What the fallout will be who knows. Let’s just hope that whoever runs the show today is old enough to drive.

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4 Comments

  1. me said,

    January 12, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    tough stuff, to put it mildly

    • January 12, 2010 at 6:07 pm

      Hope not too disturbing. Is what it is. We just finished writing the story of what happened that day. For Thursday when we see her again. You’d think we’d feel something. Going to bed.

      • me said,

        January 12, 2010 at 6:12 pm

        sleep tight.

        no, not too disturbing, i was sexually abused for a hell of a lot of my childhood too. so i do get it. and i understand the dissociation too.

  2. Me said,

    January 18, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Good points, I think I will definitely subscribe! I’ll go and read some more! What do you see the future of this being?


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