She Works Harder For The Money

So. All week long we had been winding ourselves up to tell in therapy the story of the New Girl, a 7 or 8 year old who was brutalized raped an beaten with several other laughing men in the room. We are not near a place where we can share the details thank god for us all.

This was totally freaking us out because we hadn’t talked about specifics in any meaningful way to another breathing soul. This blog is about what happened just after the New Girl stopped talking. By the way, T stands for Therapist.

NG (New Girl) says that happened to me. T says well can you look at me? I want you to know that I look the same as I did the other day, do you remember? Uh huh. Can you open your eyes and look at me? NG squints T says that’s good, very good. T says how do you feel I hurt. I know you do that’s just terrible, what happened to you. Nobody should do that to any child and I am very sorry. He hurt me louder please? He hurt me. Yes I know he did your uncle was a very diseased man. It’s not about you, what happened to you it’s about him. Do you remember me telling you that he is dead and you are an adult now, that that can’t ever happen again? Shrug well I know that sounds funny but it’s true. Do you remember talking about the other parts of you, like the nanny who can take care of you? Uh huh. Do you see anybody else? No.

I have to go away now? Sorry, louder? They say I have to go away from here now and I can’t come back. Why, because you told? Uh huh. Well let’s get that straight that is not true. You can come here when it’s your time, all of you, and you can tell me anything you want to whenever you are in this office. Do you hear me? Uh huh. Do you believe me. Shrug. Well you’ll just see, okay? Okay.

He made me bad. Sorry, louder. Humph he was bad to me and he made me so bad. No, there was nothing about that that made you bad. Your uncle is the bad diseased one. I am so bad no. There is nothing that children can do to control adults. I have to do what they say! Yes, that’s right. You have to do what he says. And he is much stronger than you, isn’t he? And much bigger. Yeah.

HE DOESN’T GET TO DO THAT TO ME. NOBODY GETS TO DO THAT TO ME BUT HE DOES ANYWAY! why yes, yes that is very true. He doesn’t get to do that to you nobody does. Yeah. But he does anyway yes and I am very sorry that that happens to you.

Do you remember me talking about you going to a room that’s safe? Uh huh I don’t know what that means. So you never get to rest and heal? Uh uh. Well I am going to help you with that I hurt. I know you do I am going to help you with that it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what it means.

I am going to count to five and you will begin to relax and you will be in a place where you can heal you need to heal physically and your feelings are also hurt so you need to go to a place where you can rest and heal a place where you are comfortable and secure and where nobody will bother you and you can sleep. You can sleep until you see me again. Ok? I will count to 5 and when I get to 5 you will be in that safe comfortable place where no one will bother you and central can come out and talk to me. Ok? So 1 ~~~~ (talking) 2 ~~~~ 3 ~~~~~ 4 ~~~~~~ 5 and you are asleep and central can come out.

Hiya. Hi there, is this central yup Jesus pretty comfortable yes? Well I’m glad. I wanted to talk to you about R (5 year old who talks in therapy). Do you remember last time when you gave me that chocolate thing from her so I wouldn’t be…..sad yes I do. Well I wanted all of you to know that that’s not necessary. I want all of you to know that there are going to be times when I WILL be sad. You had horrible things happen to you and sadness is a normal human reaction. I might be very sad sometimes but it’s nothing I can’t handle, okay? Humph I guess you’ll just have to see. Guess so.

So now what, do we have to go away now? No. I think no differently of you. Okay? No differently. At all. Humph. Are you waiting for me to reject you hah yes. Well that’s not going to happen I guess you’ll just have to live it then. Yup.

What happened to you was alot of truly horrible stuff,do you know that? Yes. And now you know how we’re so contaminated of at least you get a glimpse. Bu I feel no differently of you. No differently. Do you believe me hah no. Well I guess you’ll just have to live it then. Guess so.

There was more, too. But I’m exhausted and this is pretty much the gyst of how things went. Poor, poor T.

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9 Comments

  1. Karita said,

    January 16, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    You express yourself so beautifully. You are helping me to understand a little bit better.

  2. me said,

    January 17, 2010 at 4:40 am

    contaminated is a good way to put it 😦

    • January 17, 2010 at 8:28 am

      Hiya! Yup that’s how it feels doesn’t it? These days we’re trying to get that it is somebody else who made us that way. Don’t really believe it but we’re faking it ’til we make it hah. I does make a difference though painful as that is. Here’s to a fab Sunday.

  3. January 17, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    Very well written.

    We are sure that you are not contaminated though, we can understand that feling though… but nothing the evil people do can contaminate you, they are bad and evil and you are hurt, not contaminated

  4. January 17, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    *hugs* For what it’s worth, none of you are at fault – your T is right, it was your uncle. But I’m the world’s biggest hypocrite because I don’t believe that my own experience of abuse wasn’t my fault :-/

    And I agree with Karita – you have a way with words. Of course the material in your posts is tragic – but you express that in an incredibly moving fashion.

    *more hugs* x


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