What flashbacks are like

*****TRIGGER WARNING********

So. This is what a flashback is like. We saw something on a blog, specifically about someone who self-mutilates sexually (I know. What were you thinking?). Because they had had a posiive physical response to some parts of their abuse. Which happens. We’re 50-50 okay about it which is a big improvement.

So. We thought we were okay then BLAMMO! First notices the smell that sick smell of sweat and alcohol and cigarettes and semen. Disgusting. As soon as we became aware of the smell we had this horrific taste. Cigarettes semen alcohol and our own blood from a punch in the mouth.

Off fonthe races. Can’t breathe like something is pressing on our chest like choking at the same time. Don’t know where we are bug we’re trapped, panicked. Start watching ourself, the cats, that pulled-away feeling when we’re dissociating.

Hear a rustling sound, like feet walking on leaves. He’s coming, he’s coming. Oh god panic. Panic. Sudden sharp pain in the ribs from being kicked. Male screaming. Laughter from other men. Suddenly dead mom’s voice nobody in my family would do such a thing. Feel it in me ouch ouch better not make a sound or he will come. Confused.

Heart racing. Panic. Trapped nowhere to run. Where aRe we where are we?

The smell and the taste are most repugnant.

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7 Comments

  1. Petr. said,

    January 24, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Hey Splint,

    Might want to talk to T about how to filter stuff out when reading online – protect yourself make sure you don’t get triggered. There’s a lot of stuff out there and its too easy to find.

    Petr.

  2. shadowlight said,

    January 26, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    tht is a really good description of a flashback…

    do you have any grunding techneiques? They are really useful for making flashbacks easier to deal with

    • January 26, 2010 at 5:23 pm

      Yes, well. Coping is not our best skill. See new blogpost……no color for coping.

      • shadowlight said,

        January 26, 2010 at 5:25 pm

        cping isn’t our greatest skill either lol

        We have a HUGE list of “self-help” stuff th\at we never use :/ insted we just use it to advise other poeple lol

  3. sana quijada said,

    August 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    damn. awful. so sorry.


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