Nothing to say

We wish we had something to say today. To somebody, anybody. But it is a very empty world out there. Flashback hangover has left us exhausted and without any connections to this world.

We wish we could say that we are fighting the good fight but the fact is that Fascist Germany is blitzing and there’s noplace to run. We are spoiled and we can’t handle bravely the exploding bombs all around us today.

We wish we could say that we are able to think of something other than the horrific things that people did to us. The total abandonment the betrayal the physical pain. The feeling of being trapped like a rat but without teeth or claws. Helpless. We ha e fallen into the Black Pit, which for science buffs is a black hole that is so dense it gobbles up the light.

We are so cold inside today. Colder than a brass toilet seat in the Yukon. Think about it, that’s cold.

We want to scream from the rooftops about what was done to us. Specifically. We wan to write about the horrific
Sadistic shit that happened. We want to shake T and say see this is all too much there is no going here and surviving. After all we didn’t really survive it the first time, did we? Just fabricated this intricate multiple-headed idiot who can’t seem to handle much of anything. Dickwad.

The Furies are out and that means our head is filled with violence and pain. They do this to make a point, so that everybody in the system knows what filth is the body that they live in. Clear? Crystal.

We are very sad and that is nothing to say. We are completely helpless. Nothing to say.

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12 Comments

  1. January 24, 2010 at 11:02 am

    and yet, you said so much… or at least i heard a great deal, even if it was between the lines. but so much of our lives are, aren’t they? between.

    between the bombs and oblivion… between the pain and the power to speak… between heavens and he//s and hope and travesty. there is so little space where we can just be. and yet, so much left to Be.

  2. alice said,

    January 24, 2010 at 11:10 am

    you are not filth. you are not bad people.
    i’m sorry for all that was done to you.
    it wasn’t your fault.
    that doesn’t make dealing with it any
    easier, i know.
    hope it helps to know that people are
    reading, even if you feel like you aren’t
    saying anything.

  3. me said,

    January 24, 2010 at 11:27 am

    dissociating? maybe you need to, a bit, as a rest from the horror in your head? don’t be too tough on yourself, give this some more time, maybe? how long ago were you diagnosed?

    • January 24, 2010 at 12:05 pm

      Known about it forever but just started seeing a specialist last September. Bitch before this said dissociation is a poor decision. FuckingCBT.

  4. sexualselfinjury said,

    January 24, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Sorry you’re struggling today. I know how debilitating flashbacks are.
    Hope your day gets better.

  5. January 25, 2010 at 10:21 am

    *hugs* I second everything the others, especially Alice, said. Wish I could say something more useful or tangible, but thinking of you. Take care of yourselves. x

    • January 25, 2010 at 10:31 am

      It makes us feel better when we simply see you. And hope that’s a big hug need it this Therapy Monday. Back atcha šŸ˜‰

  6. Karita said,

    January 26, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Hiya, late to the party. Thinking of you. Know you’re hurting. Careing from across the pond.

    *Biiiiiiiiiiiig hugs for Splint*


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