Learning from Transference

Well. Ahem. We’ve been thinking about how completely familiar is this betrayal is that we’re feeling from T. Se have been in therapy long enough to be distrustful of the too-familiar. Meaning that if there’s an overwhelming emotional thing going on that a three year old, a ten year old, a seventeen year old and various adult all share…odds are that it has little to do with reality. Hum, yes. Well.

We have a problem with T in real life, yes. Her claiming the boggosphere and kicking us out of it is an issue. Can’t do it to us, no. But can one infer from this that the woman hates our guts?

Wethinks we smell a trigger. We have never trusted before, none of them. So perhaps we just don’t know how to do it. Perhaps our Protectors are sending off the screaming howler monkeys in her head because they’ve just realized that this is the case, that somebody has gotten under our skin. And so we run and hide under that familiar blanket of panic. She is going to fuck us she has fucked us she will fuck us so we’ll do the hurting first.

This seems to be the likely cause of our unease. Hum, well. Ahem. Wethinks we are confusing our therapist with that long, long list of people who had abused our trust and need in the past. Mommy?

Of course, there are many bits within us who are running for their lives in fear. And we are going to have to let them all sort things thru individually. Time-consuming but seems what needs to be done.

There is A Disturbance In The Force. Yes indeed. Confusion reigns supreme. But as hyper-rural Grandma used to say, be sure to count your chickens before they hatch so you know how many the fox has stolen. Quaint truism applies because we are our own fox.

We know that we will have to go thru this. With T. We have a sense that there is an opportunity for great learning here. Yes fuckall another fucking epiphany is about to be born.

There is a real-life issue to be dealt with here, certainly. It is about our freedom of speech and communication. It is about a request to shut ourselves off from a community we’ve grown quite fond of. It is abounaccess to information. It is about the validity that we just may be entitled to own ourself hence to be able to establish boundaries of our own.

And so. We’ve called T to see if she will have more time for us this week. We shall see what goes from there. She has said that we need only to reach out to her to set this up. We shall see how real that is.

But. His whole feeling thing is just so new. All the splinters inside us are all so new. Pronoun mix afoot. It is all just so confusing.

Yes, well. We will try to look at this from the perspective of a chance to learn something that seems to be rather important. Hum, well yes. Ahem. Oops.

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22 Comments

  1. craven said,

    January 31, 2010 at 10:34 am

    i was hoping you would see this.
    🙂

    • January 31, 2010 at 10:50 am

      Yes, well. Ahem. Oops. In hindsight it would have been alot easier were we able to see it for what it is from the get-go. Seeing her on Tuesday she emailed that she was so glad we got in touch with her that these are important issues we will figure out together. We are such a jackass. But at least we’re a jackass who is working on it. Does one get points for that in Realityville? Jackass.

      • me said,

        January 31, 2010 at 4:19 pm

        lots of points from me

      • alice said,

        February 2, 2010 at 3:54 pm

        you are not jackasses, there’s a very good reason you didn’t see this first off.
        the point is, you see it now and you’re working on it 🙂

      • February 2, 2010 at 4:17 pm

        Thanks, Alice. Still can’t shake the feeling that we should have seen it. But your kind words are appreciated. It’s what T says, too. Hah.

  2. Karita said,

    January 31, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    You’re not a jackass. And how many of us wish we could see things for what they are straight away? You have seen it and that is what matters.

    *Hugs*

  3. January 31, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    I am sorry this has happened. I was behind a few of your posts, and was just commenting on the one where you wrote about the trust you have.

    So, I don’t understand… You don’t use your real name here, right? Nor do you use your therapist’s real name, right?

    This sounds like a misunderstanding? I don’t understand…

    • January 31, 2010 at 3:35 pm

      Yes, well. We have a few people in common we guess. Unfortunately it’s no misunderstanding. Why it was all so shocking and the everpresent serpent of Betrayal bit us on the ass before we could see it doing so. It’s a sneaky bugger…

      • me said,

        January 31, 2010 at 4:18 pm

        you have some people in common? well then i can understand her discomfort, but you still have freedom of speech surely. and you’re not using real names. tricky stuff. hope you get an appointment and that it goes well – if she works out, it’d be good … imagine having to start it all again with a new therapist …

        hugs for you, i am thinking of you.

      • January 31, 2010 at 5:08 pm

        I’m not understanding this… if everything’s anonymous using pseudonyms?

      • Petr. said,

        February 2, 2010 at 2:48 am

        Hi Paul,

        I think that Splint’s T has an online presence as so many of them seem to these days. (I beging to wonder when any of them find time to see patients)

        Yes everyone uses pseudonyms but I expect the therapist is getting worried about confidentiality somehow and remember that she will not see things as anonymous as we do.

        Nevertheless Splint, even if this is transference (which it always is love, take it from someone who knows 😦 ) she has no right to the internet in its entirety. Stand your ground.

        Hugs

        P

  4. January 31, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Sure it’ll work out as it does. We’ll figure it out so confused by the screaming howler monkeys…and thanks for the points hah.

  5. January 31, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Paul–yes, we don’t really get it either. Apparently we share some peeps on Twitter so she can see our comments and RT’s there. Offensive. Also apparently offensive, we use the same blog server, so when she does searches on a given tag that we’d tagged on a blog of ours–she can see our titles. All, as we say, makes her very “uncomfortable”. Sigh.

    You can see where a broken set of women of all ages might flip out ;).

    • me said,

      February 1, 2010 at 5:22 pm

      oh man, no no no, sharing a blog server means squat. wp is one of the very biggest. silly T.

      • February 1, 2010 at 5:30 pm

        Driving home from T. Further neotiation forthcoming….;).

  6. Susan said,

    February 1, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    You are worth caring for. Your wife wrote such a beautiful and loving card for you today expressing how important you are to her. Also, you have several friends here who consider you worthy.

    • February 1, 2010 at 6:08 pm

      Thank you, hon. It’s that split from reality. If only the Voice Of Reason had influence. 😉

  7. me said,

    February 1, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    hugs, splint

  8. Susan said,

    February 1, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    (((hugs)))

  9. February 2, 2010 at 7:25 am

    Petro–yes. “well,Philip, it’s a tangle”….we are to talk more about the bloggoaphere at another time. Ce unglued yesterday @ T, back for more in a few hours, then Thursday as well. Working on something huge here, using this fukall mmmy transference thing to hopefully learn we Just may be worth something, anything. Surely there will be more later! Hope your day is well, hon.


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