Learning from Transference

January 31, 2010 at 9:19 am (dissociation complex Ptsd trauma child sexual abuse DID psychology survivor)
Tags: alters, attachment therapy, bekng an ass, mental illness, mothers and perpetrators, therapy, transference, trauma

Well. Ahem. We’ve been thinking about how completely familiar is this betrayal is that we’re feeling from T. Se have been in therapy long enough to be distrustful of the too-familiar. Meaning that if there’s an overwhelming emotional thing going on that a three year old, a ten year old, a seventeen year old and various adult all share…odds are that it has little to do with reality. Hum, yes. Well.

We have a problem with T in real life, yes. Her claiming the boggosphere and kicking us out of it is an issue. Can’t do it to us, no. But can one infer from this that the woman hates our guts?

Wethinks we smell a trigger. We have never trusted before, none of them. So perhaps we just don’t know how to do it. Perhaps our Protectors are sending off the screaming howler monkeys in her head because they’ve just realized that this is the case, that somebody has gotten under our skin. And so we run and hide under that familiar blanket of panic. She is going to fuck us she has fucked us she will fuck us so we’ll do the hurting first.

This seems to be the likely cause of our unease. Hum, well. Ahem. Wethinks we are confusing our therapist with that long, long list of people who had abused our trust and need in the past. Mommy?

Of course, there are many bits within us who are running for their lives in fear. And we are going to have to let them all sort things thru individually. Time-consuming but seems what needs to be done.

There is A Disturbance In The Force. Yes indeed. Confusion reigns supreme. But as hyper-rural Grandma used to say, be sure to count your chickens before they hatch so you know how many the fox has stolen. Quaint truism applies because we are our own fox.

We know that we will have to go thru this. With T. We have a sense that there is an opportunity for great learning here. Yes fuckall another fucking epiphany is about to be born.

There is a real-life issue to be dealt with here, certainly. It is about our freedom of speech and communication. It is about a request to shut ourselves off from a community we’ve grown quite fond of. It is abounaccess to information. It is about the validity that we just may be entitled to own ourself hence to be able to establish boundaries of our own.

And so. We’ve called T to see if she will have more time for us this week. We shall see what goes from there. She has said that we need only to reach out to her to set this up. We shall see how real that is.

But. His whole feeling thing is just so new. All the splinters inside us are all so new. Pronoun mix afoot. It is all just so confusing.

Yes, well. We will try to look at this from the perspective of a chance to learn something that seems to be rather important. Hum, well yes. Ahem. Oops.