Why we write about it

Never used to think there was any sense in writing about the impact of our childhood sexual and physical damage. Always hated those blogs. The seemingly endless ranting and depression, the hopelessness, the horrid details. That confusion and shame seemed so pointless and toxic to us. As if someone was writing these things to elicit some kind of a response from us.

One day however we realized that nobody was pouring out their shite for us. They were doing so as a coping mechanism to try to sort out the horror that goes along with the honest struggle to recover.

There is no way out of it but to go through it. And that was the process that these people were in. Suddenly we saw incredible honesty, courage and effort. It wasn’t about us? Hub, god forbid something was not about us. It was an amazing ah-hah moment to be freed of the responsibility foe the planet. That is a child’s thinking and on tha day the grownups won.

So. We started blogging. Writing about our process, about the struggle. About the inevitable ups and downs Inherent in fighting the fight.

T says that if it’s a place where somebody in us hurts–that’s a message tha something needs to be worked thru. And in the working thru it can we finally find our freedom.

Many traumatized people jump thru extraordinary and creative hoops to avoid dealing with their personal tragedies. It’s always darkest before the dawn. But to get to see that sunrise requires being in the blackest part of our nights.

We are an American. A total Yankee. We believe from what is learned in our culture from childhood that we have certain inalienable rights, among them the freedom of self-expression. I despise the Nazi movement but will defend to the death their right to exist.

We get to express ourselves in whatever fashion we find is most helpful to us. Don’t wanna hear it? Not a place where you are at? You have every right to be where you are and we will defend that for you too. But if you don’t want to read our stuff then guess what? Nobody’s forcing you to.

Don’t go judging us if we are working as hard at our recovery as anybody out there. But you have no right to judge us, to express a superiority over us just because you can’t stand to be reminded of your own shit. We do not write for you.

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4 Comments

  1. Karita said,

    February 6, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    It’s a very good motivation to write a blog, and it can provide a record too, for when things are changing, you get to see the process. That’s what I’ve found with my blog anyway.

    *Hugs*

    • February 6, 2010 at 1:36 pm

      Yes, thanks. Helps keep track when our message board gets cluttered up with bitching. Longer-range view it’s handy. Thanks again, you!

  2. February 6, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    Wonderful post, Splint.

    I agree; if people find this and other blogs too hard to read, don’t read them. What’s important is that you find it of value, of worth. I know that I have, at times, found my blog cathartic, and I hope you do too.

    Your posts can be heart-wrenching, certainly, but they are also incredibly well-crafted, and raise awareness on the horrors of sexual abuse and the reality of DID.

    I applaud you.

    • February 6, 2010 at 1:34 pm

      How sweet, thank you! No applause for today exactly, but…trust the process, right? At least that ‘s what some have decided. Be well. And seriously about the akathesia…you do need to let prescriber know about that 300 is no dose that should have that in quetiapine!


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