Not in Therapist’s Lap

Finally. A therapy session that is not a three-ring circus. Only three talked today. Red the five year old, Genius who finds the answers, and central who gets the summary and gets us packed up and on our way.

Genius needed answers. There’s this new thing, a compassionate adult, who comforts and soothes anybody who needs it, especially the young ones. She started with Sad and has spread out all over the place. She won’t let her face be seen but she sounds like the adult us and she smells of our Chanel Number 5. She holds them and rocks them and sings them lullabyes. They sit all curled up in her lap. She got some children’s books today and she will read them to the 2 and 3 year olds.

Genius doesn’t get where the knowledge of this compassion comes from. They feel it and show it to others, but it was never present for her. Which begs the question–in whose lap is everybody sitting in? Is it from the inside or from
the outside?

T sAys well if it’s not you, then in whose lap can they sit? Well, god forbid maybe you. T says it’s you. It’s true that you didn’t have anything like compassion shown towards you but you know all about it, after all it’s your job. You’re just beginning to self-direct it. So while you might be modeling things I’ve said or some things in our relationship, that attachment and caring, this is you.

You are not sitting in my lap. Are you sure because that would be just well ewwwww you know? T says I know it would and I’m glad you could talk about it, that’s a pretty big deal. But I am positive that it’s you. Oh thank god has this been bothering you yes for days. Well now you can let it go.

red has startling news as well. I didn’t feel like that on purpose? T no you didn’t. Like the flu when hou get sick it’s bad but you didn’t get sick on purpose? That’s right. So what does that mean? Well it means that you’re just like everybody else. Frown, confused. It means that if you felt something not on purpose then you aren’t to blame for it, right? Frown, thinking. That’s right? Yes that’s right.

What would it be like to not be bad? Ummm, can I be funny? You want to be funny smile? Yes you sure can be funny. You can be whatever you want. Thinking. Thinking. Can I have a safe place (T has been trying to get red to go get a safe place for months to no avail) I would like to have a safe place to go and there isn’t one. Uncle Norman always comes at school everywhere. T says do you want me to help you find a safe place? Uh huh. You can have whatever you want in your safe place it’s just for you nobody else can go there unless you want them to and you will be very safe you can just rest or sleep or just hang out….can I read? Can I read big books yes you certainly can, whatever you want. What do you want to read I want to read Wuthering Heights again sure you can. Thinking. Do you want us to find that place together for you? Uh huh. Okay here’s what we’ll do I will count backwards from five to one and you will be in your safe place in your mind and then central will be out in your body. 5………..(talking)………and one and now central can come out.

So, things are totally great. red has asked for and has found her safe place and is busy bringing in cats and horses and her favorite color. And nobody is sitting in our therapist’s lap.



  1. Tiger said,

    February 11, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    Woohoo! I’m SO proud of red. She talked to me about the “on purpose” thing a little bit when she got on Twitter, and I was really hoping that her thinking would bring her to the “it’s not my fault” place. I’m also excited to know that it’s the adult you’s lap they’re sitting in. Who better to extend comfort and compassion?

    • February 11, 2010 at 9:19 pm

      Wow, you put that together for her? Amazing. Yes it was quite the day. That red asked for a safe place is huge. And sheesh what a relief that we don’t have an infancy transference thing happening. Thanks so much for helping the kid. You’re fabulous.

  2. Karita said,

    February 12, 2010 at 3:25 am

    This is so great to read. I was watching red’s adventures on Twitter and here and I’m so glad she has a safe place now. And I’m sooooooo glad for all of you that it’s you that’s extending compassion.

    🙂 XXX

    • February 12, 2010 at 7:19 am

      We just woke up…don’t go be making us cry now! So sweet, thank you. Yes red is a headstrong little thing so sorry that she discovered this. Irrepressible would be the generous word for it hah. Thanks again dear 😉

      • Karita said,

        February 12, 2010 at 10:56 am

        Irrepressible, haha, I like her. 🙂

      • February 12, 2010 at 11:08 am

        Haha thanks. We have quite a soft spot for her. Spoiling, really. A good thing we didn’t physically reproduce 😉

  3. February 13, 2010 at 5:32 am

    Want to add my ‘yay’ for red and her discovery too as well as joy that you are comforting yourself and there is nothing sinister going on. 🙂

    • February 13, 2010 at 8:09 am

      Yes such a load off the mind. We deal with attachment disordered ppl all the time , y’know? Wht we’re so suspicious of our own motives hah. And red, yes that’s a big deal that she asked for her own safe place to go. Lots of books and stuff for sciece-y stuff. And the cat we grew up with, odd. So this really is all a pretty good/big deal. Thanks luv. x

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