Why Even Be In Therapy?

We wonder…why even be in therapy at all? If one would fuck us over for a dozen years, then doesn’t it stand to reason that any/all of them, eventually, will just end up fucking us raw?

This has nothing to do with T, or with whoever anywhere. It must be the nature of the beast. If you can’t but be betrayed by somebody after twelve years, who is supposed to be in a helping pofession, somebody who was also a shrink and this hyper-super-duper whatever in this town….who IS there to trust.

Nope. It must be that we are right that we’re just a disgusting vile monster and we can’t be cared about. That or it’s the whole profession. Either way–what’s the point?

We hear about all this fairydust life magic that happens when one is “healed”. Things are supposed to open up this gilded gate to Nirvana on earth.

We do no believe it. There are no miracles for people who were as beaten down as us. Better quality of life? Who even says the life thing must go on?

There comes a time when each person has to look at the abyss and decide if the life struggle is worth it. Some of us have to do it every day. Tick tick tick.

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8 Comments

  1. March 9, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Hi !
    wow, sounds like you had a rough day. I went to a lot of therapists before I found one that really helped me, but what I am the most happy about today is that I didn’t give up on ME! If you have the wrong therapist, get a different one. You can even access therapy online now. If you are struggling with a trust issue, and that you really just don’t think you can trust your therapist because of your history with other therapists, then that is a different issue altogether. I say hang in there as far as NOT giving up on YOU. The miracles did finally come for me, but had I given up completly, they wouldn’t have.

    Hugs and more hugs.

  2. Ravin said,

    March 9, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Oh gawwwd!
    Fairydust life magic is all a crock! Geeez that’s for potatochip people, people who have never ever had the kind of abuse folks who are DID, fragmented. They have a level of trust that the world owes them goodness and happy.

    Pleeeeeese, not something we know about.

    But here’s the thing, I think maybe we could learn how from someone who took the time to guide a us thru it. I see our Ren learning, not easily, not easily at all. Surely not fairydust or magic.

    Ravin

  3. March 9, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Thank you, okay when we can think will reread this. Thank you very mucj

  4. Sarah Olson said,

    March 9, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Nobody gets fairy dust because the healing comes from *within*. A good therapist is so in tune with your within that they can guide you in making healing happen. But they cannot bestow it upon you like fairy dust (which implies they could also take it away).

    The complexity we all live with wears down even the best therapists on occasion. And as Darlene mentioned, I’ve yet to meet a DID who had not seen a lot of therapists–mostly because they had not yet found the best one for *them*. They are out there.

    You are not what your abusers said you were. A good therapist helps you to believe that for the truth it is, and to internalize it. Find that person. You are so worth the effort.

    Sarah

  5. March 10, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Wow, thanks. It’s not about individuals tho it’s the entire system, all of y’all unfortunately. Which we know is very wrong but whoever is thinking this is too strong for is to just put it away. We know what we think is bullshit but just can’t make it go away. We get what yore saying though and thank you very much.

  6. March 10, 2010 at 11:07 am

    I agree with a lot of what has been said by everyone already, but would just add that there are some good therapists out there, and while they aren’t perfect and they won’t get it right all the time, they will be willing to work through the ruptures and stick by you even when things are tough.

    I hope you find one of those.

    xx

    PS – I said to my T the other day that I was grateful she lets me blog, and she wrote this in reply : “it is a way of expressing yourself of getting stuff out of your skin ‘boundary’, testing your thoughts and feelings with real people getting their reactions, and yet at the same time keeping yourself safe.”


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