Come Screw Us

We have just spent the past half hour crying. We never cry, never. Don’t really know why. Just so, so depressed. It feels like mourning.

Yup, grief. Unresolved hurt from trusting someone for a dozen years who ended up fucking us in the end. Stunning realization that this is what life really and truly is. In the end everybody does.

We are very divided over what we think is the cause for this. We feel like there is a target on our back. Come screw us, go ahead. We deserve it. Come screw us, it’s what we know best. Come screw us it makes things so much safer. Come screw us you know you’re going to anyway and frankly it is a relief when you do. Come screw us you can’t possibly do any more harm. Come screw us that’s the only way we know we are alive. Come screw us the pain is all we understand. Come screw us you have that right, everybody does. Come screw us so the world makes sense.

We have been crying because we realize that we have lost T in advance. She is going to fuck us because everyone does. The woman is in a business after all. Who would want to hear our hideous stories? Nobody, that’s who. Just a question of how long that is gonna take.

We are crying because we have lost that tiny bud of hope when we lost T. There was this positive little thing, growing. And now it is gone. We just can’t afford to feel hope far too dangerous. We just can’t keep up this pain.

We’ve been crying over losing S, even though it was us who fired her icy ass. Twelve years is a long time to spend with anybody. Crisis life man. When she said in the end that we had to take it or leave it, her therapy not what we’d just said we needed to have, it was shattering. Even a suck therapist gets attached to if you’re with them long enough.

We were laying on the couch, tears rolling down our face, when wifey came in the room. She knows that we don’t cry. She held our hand we talked for awhile. She will take on some things and will help us with our business from the marketing end because we are just frozen in this anguish. Very sweet. We don’t like for her to see our pain because let’s face it who wants to hear that? Enough.

So. Come screw us. It’s how we know we’re alive.

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4 Comments

  1. March 10, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Oh darling, huge hugs. I wish I could say something to make it better 😦 When do you next see T? Can you tell her that you feel you’ve lost her in advance? I’m hoping that she could maybe reassure you, but what do I know I guess… Just, thinking of you and thanking you for all the support you’ve shown me.

    xxx

  2. March 11, 2010 at 4:07 am

    Hugs. So painful, I have no words but thinking of you. xx


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