I have a very strong image in my head. I am standing on the edge of a very high cliff and I am very confused. There’s are just a ton of alters out at the moment and I don’t know what to do. I am just standing here. Looking down gosh that is a long way. There’s pounding surf and craggy rocks so I know I must be at my second home, mid-coast Maine. I am thinking well I could just sort of tip over and all this crap would be done. Just like I tip out of a plane when I’m skydiving. Just, fall. Only this time there would be no ripcord.

I have no sense of wanting to to do this, really. No desire to suicide. Just, well it would be so easy in my mind. I have had a get-out plan for years, but I am not thinking about that at all. I’m just standing at the edge of this rocky cliff. Looking. It’s a beautiful sunny day.

I know what my faith would tell me. The parable of the tigers. A man is walking down a path when he sees a huge tiger running right at him. He turns down another path and runs over a high cliff and he is falling very quickly. Suddenly he sees a branch growing out of the earth. He reaches out and grabs hold tight. He looks down and sees a second tiger , pacing, waiting for him and snarling. He looks back at the branch and sees a strawberry growing there. The man picks the strawberry and it is the finest fruit he has ever tasted.

Be in the present is what this story tells. Tigers are in front of us below us and we fall and fall and fall. But there are at the same time the most delicious fruits we will ever taste. All we have to do is to eat them.

I begin to appreciate the ground that’s under my feet. I can smell the clean salt air and I notice the warmth in the bright sunny day. I hear birds singing, robins no doubt because that’s the first bird of springtime in my neck of the woods. Also the harbinger of renewal in Maine.

I look down and it’s beautiful there as well. Thundering surf huge crags slashing up from the ocean below. The slam and the bang, sheer force of Nature at her moment of hideous glory. Otters and porpoise are out there playing around. Seaweed flys all over, crashing on the rocks then getting sucked back out into the storm.

I realize at this moment that while there is that permanent and tremendous attraction to just tip over, to just be done with it all, I think I just may one day enjoy the birds and the grass under my feet. Rather than floating dead I would far rather be feeling the bright sunny days. One day I will be safe and the environment will be my friend.

So I say goodbye to the pounding surf, I turn around, and go looking for that strawberry.



  1. Pandora said,

    March 15, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Beautifully put, hun. I’m so glad you have this perspective.

    *big hugs*


  2. Tiger said,

    March 15, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    And what a precipice to be standing on. Well said, dearie.

  3. Kelly said,

    March 15, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I hear you. And suddenly long for fresh fruit. You have a beautiful voice.

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