How We’re Healing In 2 Steps

When you get righ down to it, the basic principles of healing from childhood sexual abuse are pretty simple. We’ve distilled it down to two simple understandings that are simple to understand and difficult to disregard.

Healing is for us a very up and down thing. We discover something good then suffer thru a difficult backlash from various splinters inside. It was very difficult for us to come to grips with this reality. That it is a path with bright places and spots of slogging thru quicksand.

But once we let go of the self-punishments because we couldn’t just suddenly be Well, we were able to fully understand wha we tell people who are struggling: it’s okay to be where you are. I’d you are up or down or full of self-derision or dtoo depressed to move. Where you are at every given moment is okay. You are okay we are okay. Emotional states can be very fluid.

The importantthing to understand in this is that we don’t have to DO anything about anything when we’re down. We don’t have to engage in self-injury, either physically or mentally. We can just sit and wait for it to change. For it will.

We don’t really know how to feel things emotionally. Lability sigh. We are either in complete Freeze In which we can do nothing, feel nothing fully dissociated OR what we feel emotionally has the force to blow down a hundred story building, split the Earth in two. Appropriate level of feeling just isn’t what we understand at this time.

And so when we’re on the black places on our path we feel confidently knowing that it’s just the way it goes at that moment. It’s okay for us to be wherever we Are at. Seriously, we’re okay. Because we know it’s just the tigers that don’t exist. It’s just unneccessary fear.

Which brings us to Step Two. Use your life. When we realize that we are in life’s dumpster we know there’s an important lesson to be learned from whatevr it is that is putting us there. Use that feeling state to learn about our internal traps. Use a fear of non-existent monsters to see that that’s preventing us to be present in our relationship or with our clients or in therapy or…wherever. Upshot is that we fight thru the fear,whatever it’s sources, name what it is and use it to better function better communicate. Use it to see.

So this is our psychology. We’re okay wherever we are, use the pain. So far it’s working quite well. It is just the process. Enjoy the ups, don’t do anything about the downs but accept them and always always learn.

Does this make sense?



  1. aehathor said,

    March 21, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Yes it does make sense, and it’s a good reminder, too. My therapist and another person have been telling me the same thing.



    • March 21, 2010 at 1:45 pm

      Thanks for your comments, Lisa! Good to see you. What I know is that if we don’t keep it stupid-simple we just blow it off and continue to exacerbate the pain. These two steps are pretty simple and so.

      Thanks again. Delighted I could strike a chord with you ! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. March 21, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Oh yes, it makes sense alright ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s something C tells me quite a bit, and intellectually I’ve been able to see his point, but never fully engage with the concept.

    However, here you are – someone who’s experienced unspeakable trauma, someone hopefully in recovery, someone who ‘gets’ it (whatever it is) – putting these ideas into practice. Your words have much more clout than those of any therapist. So thanks Splint ๐Ÿ˜€

    Take care and hugs xxx

    • March 21, 2010 at 8:54 pm

      So glad we could get down a few words that resonate w/ you dear. This isy goal. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Karita said,

    March 23, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Oh yes, this makes sense, and it’s something I desperately need to learn. Don’t act on the depressions, don’t freak out, just wait for it to pass.

    • March 23, 2010 at 4:09 pm

      Yes, hard to do. But the downs will be there sometimes regardless of what we do or think and so

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