Using Sick And Bored

So we are trying very hard to use the messsages that Life sends our way, right? We needn’t judge where we are so we can look at what is going on with us, be brutally honest in figuring out what that is, and tracking it back. Idea being to learn what old stuff is influencing our current life. Which is of course all of it.

For the past five days we have been flat on our back suffering from a mildmfoem of mononeucleosis which saps your energy coMpletely. And of course you interest in doing anything but the struggle to breath.

And we have found a miracle in this sucky time. We have found boredom. It’s an amazing feeling that nobody in here recalls ever feeling before.

When you have forty or fifty little and big people running around inside yourself it’s a very busy place. It is a constant bombardment of issues demands and requests. Screaming howler monkeys in the calmest of times.

Don’t know why this is exactly but it has been totally quiet in here. So much so that our abilities to self-entertain (not usually in a good way) seem to have vanished by the wayside. Nobody’s freaking out. Nobody’s delirious, nobody’s plotting the next round of self-injury or suicide. It’s just…quiet.

We notice how this feels, this not being assaulted by whatever splinters feel like accosting or laughing of crying or whatever. We aren’t juggling a hundred balls in the air.

There must be a pretty big lesson in all of this and here’s what I think that is: we can control the traffic. Somebody has just put them all to sleep. I don’t know exactly that this is what being whole, being single, feels like. But there’s only one track of feeling and emotion at a time. When somebody has to raise a fuss we have been able to say hold on I am
Just too tired to deal with you can you please wait your turn.

And it has been working. To think that we can control the traffic is a very new thought and it feels like a miracle in here. Cooperation? Whammy wow.

Life is sending us a constant stream of information that’s exactly like a Twitterfeed. With the terror gone of looking, just looking at what is there and letting it go, it’s a
Very different place.

Boredom. Who knew it was so wise?



  1. Bee said,

    March 29, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Sometimes when it gets like this for us, it almost scares me because I am so used to the constant noise! But you do have a point… There has to be some way to have total cooperation among everyone, we just have to find out how to get to that point.
    Thanks for sharing!


    • March 29, 2010 at 12:28 pm

      Thank you. It is quite startling when we stop to notice the quiet. Everybody’s sleeping but one and they seem to be cooperating nicely. It’s a first. Huh what a gift the Body has given us. Thanks for your thoughts ;).

  2. jo-sexualself-injury said,

    March 29, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Hope you feel better soon. I had mono once. Not fun!

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