Lying all my life

Poor me. I say this laying in a ball on T’s couch and burst into tears. That is what the entire three-ring circus that is my life has been created to avoid. Poor me.

They are me. Every splinter is figment. There’s only me who has gone thru all these horrible things. The whole intricate deck of cards. I have been lying my whole life.

Which is not to say I have had a choice. Brains work the way they do under overwhelming stress and we’ve known no other way of being.

However. Choice or not, intention or not, human or not. Lies. For it’s nottrue that there are all of us here to protect her. I am completely confused, I don’t know what is true. I don’t know what or who we are anymore.

All I know is that we are not true. And things that are not true–well there you have it. Oh God.

Poor me. Poor me. Poor me.

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2 Comments

  1. SYMontgomery said,

    April 12, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    When one is not aware or trying to hide reality it is not a lie. Children in abusive homes adapt in many ways to survive, including the use of dissociation. To you, all of your “splinters” were real and they did and do exist in the sense that you are here and survived. Who knows what would have happened to you without them.


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