My Life Is Not A Joke

Recently I had a panic attack on Twitter. Not so much. It took an hour for me to calm myself enough to just sob. I am crying still.

Here’s what happened. Saturday afternoon I was twetting away with some friends. A huge lesbian activist group, the Lesbian Mafia, tweeted a “joke”: don’t take candy from strangers unless they offer to give you a ride.

Obvious reference to advice given to children about abuse, right? No doubt about it, a joke about CSA. I was shocked. I immediately tweeted them that I’m sure they mean no harm blah blah but CSA is never funny. No response.

Imagine my shock a few hours later to see this “joke” RT’d by someone I didn’t know. I blew up, sending three tweetst to the dykes. And then I had a massive panic attack, right there for all the world to see.

Jokes about CSA are never okay. It cannot be tolerated. Every time such words go by and are not pointed out it further causes acceptance of the most vile criminal acts that exist.

I felt that I was being made light of personally. I was being personally attacked. My childhood was being diminished. Again, as it was when I was a kid and nobody believed me. MY pain was being denied me.

It’s bad enough when a pedophile makes this kind of “joke”. It’s bad enough when men do it. I can accept that. But from my own people? Lesbian Activists? I flew apart.

My life is not a joke. I was abused/assaulted/raped/prostituted over 40 times before I reached my teen years. It is not funny. These things happened to me and there is NO occasion in which ANYONE can make light of it. I do not care who you are.

Tolerance of child sexual abuse is what perpetuates child sexual abuse. It is a life-altering, crushingly painful thing that shatters the minds of children and keeps them shattered their entire lives unless they are fortunate enough to be able to go through years and years and years of horrendous medication and psychotherapy.

These women know better. They fully understand the damage that is caused by acceptance and “joking” about domestic violence and prostitution and the inequality of women in this culture.

Do not make light of my painful experience, bitch. Do no continue to perpetuate rape culture against children. You have alof of followers and you need to understand your responsibility therefrom.

What happened to me is in the Library of Congress by now. I couldn’t breathe I was in sudden shock. No warning. Plummeting in public but I couldn’t stop typing. I can’t breathe I can’t breathe fuck fuck blah blah.

I was completely hysterical. I was sobbing so hard I couldn’t even read the screen. Completely demeaned. In the snap of a finger. I emailed my therapist, I really don’t know why. I mean what was there to do but ride it out? But inwaa so unsafe it seemed that anything could happen and I had to reach out…just in case.

Look at me. Look me right in the eye and tell me your fucking joke. And I will tear you to fucking bits. Bitch.

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4 Comments

  1. jo-sexualself-injury said,

    April 18, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    OMG! I can’t believe someone would say that! Understandable why you had a panic attack. I have zero tolerance for jokes about abuse. Too much ignorance in the world. Sorry you had to go through that. Feel better soon.

  2. Splinteredones said,

    April 19, 2010 at 6:31 am

    Is what it is. Took abit of time and humiliation and flashbacks and blah di blah, but I’m reser Now. I think. Thank you hon. You know how it is….(())

  3. Pandora said,

    April 19, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Amen.

    As you say, it’s bad enough when paedophiles and rapist “joke” like this, but it’s particularly offensive that the very people that proclaim themselves campaigners for equal civil rights did so.

    I’m not surprised you reacted so strongly. *hugs*


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