Things I have Overcome

So. I was scrubbing the stove abit ago and my wifey walked by. It popped into my head just how much of a treasure she is to me. We have our issues of course and I can get pretty threatened o er nothing at times. But we are talking, rather I am talking more about my process. Imagine my surprise that she not only wants to hear what I can say but tha she doesn’t loathe me for it. Wow.

I have o ercome so, so much in my life. Emotional abuse as a child that would stop an elephant in it’s tracks. And of course years and years of sadistic sexual and physical abuse.

But I rarely consider the impact that these events has had on me thru my life when I consider what I have overcome. I seem to get stuck in the Big Stuff. Of course I get these impacts intellectually. It’s nit much of a secret. However, I think I can choose to look at these things that have impacted the quality of my life.

I have kept myself in a safe little cocoon, cut off from the world. People have always seemed just so dangerous. Hypervigilance has been a loyal beast to say the least.

I have nursed this toxic shame thing to death. Odd that when I picture it in my head these days it looks like a butter net that the French overuse in their obnoxious cooking style.

I have been unable to negotiate human relationships in work so my personal feeling that I am good at anything has been virtually non-existent.

I have dynamited my financial life. When you pay somebody twelve to fifteen hundred bucks a month and you can’t work so much, well.

I have lost a brilliant mind. I could have done anything with my virtually eidetic. Not that I am annidiot but I have bad to learn how to learn.

I have overcome total social isolation.

I have overcome the belief that I am powerless over my life and my emotional status. I am, in fact, a pretty powerful chick.

I have overcome just so. Much. And every day bring me closer to a sense that I am worth saving. Worth of a happiness that I can provide for myself.

Win.

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9 Comments

  1. May 16, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    Bravo, you deserve to be happy and to have a wonderful relationship with others.

  2. May 16, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Thank you, dear. Abit scary but I’m choosing to focus on the fix not the problem. We’ll see.

  3. Ravin said,

    May 16, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Here’s to us and our wife’s!!!
    We didn’t just survive we connected with two wonderful women.

    Ravin

  4. Afterglow05 said,

    May 16, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Splint – I’m happy to hear that you’re happy. I can relate to this soooo much. The line ‘I have kept myself in a safe little cocoon, cut off from the world. People have always seemed just so dangerous. Hypervigilance has been a loyal beast to say the least’ could sum up my world. Well, I guess it does right now. Working on changing the beast!

    ❤ Afterglow

  5. Karita said,

    May 17, 2010 at 5:00 am

    So happy to read this. 🙂

    • May 17, 2010 at 5:14 am

      Mee too. Thanks hon. We will see of Shri k dumps me today, too. We hope not 😉


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