New Therapist

Trying to come up with a list of questions for any new therapists I’ll be interviewing is a daunting task. It’s like I have permafrost growing on my brain or something.

There are things I know that I will need. Somebody who listens to me and doesn’t come up with freaking “issues” every other time I go there. They will have to let me blog whatever I want go and be sw ure enough to not be threatened by it. They will have to be somebody who doesn’t just continually poke the wasp’s nest then be lost and surprised when the wasps come buzzing out.

This person will have to understand pacing. I get flooded and lose my sanity. They will have to be able to first create safety and sanity, before jumping into the Hard Stuff. They will hav to be committed to me and mynProcess.

They will obviously have to be familiar with trauma and dissociation. CSA familiarity is paramount of course.

All things being equal I think I’d like to see a man. I know, I’m shocked too. But it’s really hard for me to attach to men so I think the transference hoopla will be way lessened. I suspect I might get down to business rather easily.

I have told my Story to so many people now it’s hard to have any feeling behind it.

I will fake somebody who carries my insurance. Paying over $1500 a month just complicates things.

The right therapist will call me on my shit. They will
Not tell me in their body language that they have a minor dislike for me. They will not continually threaten me or berate me by telling me that dissociation is “a bad choice”.

Not so much into CBT. No more Attachment therapy, in which the rules and needs of the therapist come before mine.

I deserve to be heard. I deserve to have my shit be paramount. I deserve somebody who will tell me the truth. Always.



  1. May 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Disassociation isn’t a bad choice. If the therapist doesn’t realize that it is the only choice that you can make when things get to be too overwhelming, then you definitely need a new therapist. I feel angry at her on your behalf. Has the woman done any study at all on the subject? That just makes her appear stupid. I don’t call many people stupid. Trust doesn’t come as soon as you walk in the door. It is built over a period of time.

    • May 17, 2010 at 2:45 pm

      Some of these things come from other T’s I have had. Specifically the one you commented on.

      • May 18, 2010 at 7:14 am

        Thank you my hon (()). The bit players are begonning to wake up & they’re on various levels of freaked. But I know that person is out there. Just gonna be hard for awhile, you know. But. New day, new opportunities!

  2. Ravin said,

    May 18, 2010 at 6:56 am

    We’ve had some truly awful & crazi TDs (talk-docs) in our nut career. I call it that in jest cuz I can now, but when it was really bad in our head people actually accused us of such things. Need I say more? Those TDs are long gone & we still pay for the damage they sowed & reaped.

    Still we kept going till we got our initial interview honed for 1st contact over the phone, cuz why bother if they can’t connect on the phone, I will prolly be using the phone when in crisis good to know they can make that leap comfortably. Lots of the phone convos were dismal. Two were near perfect and moved into face 2 face.

    That had it’s own list of what it should feel like. No one is going to be everything, so we went for human being first. Someone who treated us with respect right off, who looked to our comfort as the trauma client entering a stressful situation. Not some “nicey nice” thing but real human connection. Someone who really sat with us and listened.

    In all this time there have been a few. Our Jersey TD is one, she’s considered an expert in DID has done extensive research, worked on the Scid-D, speaks at conferences and has been there for us for 2 decades, even after we moved away she never just dropped us. It was a huge lesson in trust and commitment. Amazing!

    Then we found our present TD. She’s not an expert in anything, but is highly trained with years of experience working in the field of CSA and the mess it leaves clients in. She also was the only TD on our list who would accept a client with SRA & DID issues. At first we accepted by default, but we liked her spunk. It was rocky at first she had some very arcane ideas about DID which she’s regrouped with consultations with our JerseyTD….still coming thru for us.

    The thing is our present TD had a rock solid foundation of psychotherapy and open to dealing with a client where they’re at. We wanted a TD with everything but there wasn’t one, but turns out we found the perfect match. She’s set in this journey right there with us. OH we’ve had our transference and fuck-yous for sure. She’s had to turn her head around a lot, our abuse does not land in the “average bear” category.

    Sheeeesh this got long! Just wanted to let you know perfect isn’t all about the expertness. You’re list sounds really good and all those things are the bare bones for sure!

    You can do this!!


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