Beating the trigger

Female circumcision is not a commonplace practice in the West so much. Most people don’t really even know what it is.

Female circumcision does take several forms. The form
That happened to me is very common in Africa to small girls. Not infants, kids. The pain at the event is indescribeable. It pretty much takes away any pleasure from sex. It is pain every time you walk or sit down or stand up. It is horrific. I was fortunate, I got mine fixed. Last year. It’s like a whole new world.

I was noodling around tweeting about my hockey team
Going to the Stanley Cup. When across my stream
Comes this message about the horrors of male circumcision. From a group against Genital mutilation.

Male circumcision. Infants. Done all the time, has been done in forever. Whenever the message gets across to me that the two are at all the same thing I lose my shit entirely. When it happened to me it was in context of sexual abuse. I was I think around 9-10. I flash back in the snap of a
Finger. I have always been lost in this pain for days and days and days.

But today I recognized right away that I had been triggered. This was a very familiar feeling but one I’ve lived without for a couple of weeks. So it really stood out.

So. While one part of my head was running away in panic and rage was stomping about, another part o me was saying you know what this is just let it go thru you. Don’t attach to it hon. Just let it be. My compassionate adul woman was singing me a lullaby. Shhh. Petting me on the head. That was gone. It’s over. It’s over it’s over.

I felt these waves of calm wash one after the other, covering me in okay.




  1. Caroline said,

    May 24, 2010 at 12:10 am

    I am incredibly sorry that you had something horrible happen to you. I think you are incredibly brave for being able to write about it on a blog, and I wish you all the healing and comfort in the world.

    I just wish to point out a couple things in response to what you said.

    1. “Female circumcision is not a commonplace practice in the West so much.”

    While not a part of North American habit, this gruesome act is still very common among immigrant populations here, as it is in Europe. It is definitely a problem that has come under our radar and many of us DO know what it is, and are doing what we can to stop it.

    2. “Male circumcision. Infants. Done all the time, has been done in forever.”

    It’s NOT done all the time, and it HASN’T been done forever. It’s only been happening in the United States since the early 1900’s, and currently, the male circumcision rate of newborns is less than 50%.

    I can totally understand why the comparison might make you angry if you feel that it somehow minimizes what you went through. But I can promise you, EVERY SINGLE PERSON who is against male infant circumcision is ALSO against female genital mutilation.

    This is a woman who has survived FGM and is an activist against ALL forms of genital cutting of children. I hope it’s helpful to you.

    Soraya Mire

    • May 24, 2010 at 6:34 am

      Takin off the hood of the clitoris off a ten year old girl is nothing like circumcising an infant baby boy. Stop bothering me.

      • Joel said,

        May 30, 2010 at 10:48 pm

        If you know the pain, and the suffering, why would you support ANY unnecessary genital cutting?

        There are many kinds of genital cutting. Some even worse than what you endured. There are male versions of genital cutting that happen to young children, not infants. There are kinds that remove the testicles, or split open the entire length of the penis. All horrific.

        But just because these worse forms exist.. does that mean what you endured was not tragic and wrong? NO. Your pain and suffering were caused for no good reason, and it was inexcusable.

        So too is circumcising an infant. Is it okay to cut the clitoral hood from an INFANT girl? Infants do feel pain, they feel it even more accutely than an adult. Infants don’t remember things the same way as older people do, but it still affects them. Traumatic events, even before a child is born, are recorded in the brain, and can lead to many problems. As well, even just knowing what you suffered as a child can haunt you when you’re older. Many men have painful erections, or a scarred urethra, or many other complications from having been circumcised.

        It is unfair for you to say that these men are not victims.

        Is it on the same scale? No.. there are so many different levels of right and wrong. and I think that it would be wonderful if you would open your heart to those who were harmed, even if they weren’t harmed as severely as you were.

        Don’t invalidate their victimization. That would be a real shame.

      • May 31, 2010 at 7:36 am

        What part of stop bothering me do you fail to grasp? Leave me alone. No further comments w/b published.

  2. May 24, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    You are an excellent writer. I am so enjoying your blog. I also have DID.

    • May 25, 2010 at 6:22 am

      Why thank you for stopping in. It is always my hope the people can find something of value in the little words I write. You are not alone there are very many DIDers arounfd. Try watching twitter. Splinteredones is my name there.

  3. May 28, 2010 at 8:52 am

    […] wonderfully inimitable Splintered Ones speaks candidly about female genital mutilation and how she has managed to defeat triggers in the context of […]

    • May 28, 2010 at 9:21 am

      Thank you dearest, sweet. ;). Things just are what they are, y’know? It’s fixed now and that’s the good news about one story at least 😉

  4. May 29, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    […] wonderfully inimitable Splintered Ones speaks candidly about female genital mutilation, and how she has managed to defeat triggers, in the context of […]

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