New T Terror

I am doing my best to not attach to the brutal voices in my head ghat are screaming no therapists, no no no

No more. Last one said no she’s gonna stay with me just a few days before she unceremoniously did so. Bitch couldn’t even be really clear. She said a paperwork minsundersfanding was to blame. Pretty flimsy I do not know bow that can have been the truth.

As much as she denied it up down and all around this woman’sast words I think let the real cat out of the bag. She didn’t want me blogging. I never mentioned her name, said she could read or no or whatever I didn’t care. She consistently said well this is for hour protection. But it never rang true with me.

At the end of our last session, jus as she said there is no charge for this session (damn straight Jesus H) she said of my blogging well what you would write would only be a small part of the whole story.

To me this is more of what it was all about. The woman was afraid I’d say something negative that would reflect on her “that’s jus not how I do my practice”.

Or perhaps it was that she was charging me over twice what she charges for clients who have insurance and I discovered it. Or I looked like her mother or whatever.

The bottom line is that I didn’t see this coming, mostly because I was lied to about it directly and in writing.

I have been fine about all of this. Bitter yes but a lesson learned. But now I think I have found an excellent new person and the thought of going back twrrifies me. Dumper T said you brought this on yourself by your actions. What actions? You need more support than psychotherapy can give you. Like what exactly? Couldn’t say.

Anyway I am really freaking out and even if I know why that is it doesn’t seem to help me. I am going back there tomorrow, we shall see what she has to say. I know this abandonment thing plays right into my wheelhouse and I should be able to put the hypervigilance away.

Think I’ll just breathe for the rest of the day.

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