Pissy

Yes. I am feeling pissy today. Tomorrow I hope to be setting on a new therapist. I have alot to be pissy about. I have been around and about the mental health industry since 1998. Or 1997, I dunno really. I have been in hospitals and headshrunk and drugged to death nearly. I have tried to die and failed. I have been told that dissociation is a bad choice. That talking about trauma is pointless. I have been told there is no such thing as flashbacks. I have been charged more than twice what others paid for the same service. I have beenlied to, right to my face. I have had sessions end prematury because the therapist’s dog had gotten out and we had to go chasing it around the neighborhood.

I have been through so, so much. If I thought that I would be okay I would toss all the drugs and dump the therapy idea altogether.

Unfortunately I want to be well. I want to be happy and flourishing. I want to get rid of this toxic shame that is poisoning me. I want to be productive. I want my life.

And so even though I fear I may vomit in the woman’s office I will go to see her tomorrow and talk about what happened to me a monh ago. Make sure that as far as I know and what my gut honestly says is that this one will be committed to me. Because I deserve it.

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5 Comments

  1. Karita said,

    June 2, 2010 at 5:39 am

    Yes you do deserve it. I hope it goes well, honey. Thinking of you. XXX

  2. Karita said,

    June 2, 2010 at 5:40 am

    And also, just want to say how much I admire your determination to be well.

  3. afterglow said,

    June 3, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    Of course your deserve it – and you deserve to be treated like an individual and not just a ‘case.’


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