Uptight People Are Irritating

I have erased this blogpost. Although it represented honestly what many of us believe it did nothing to advance the aims of compassion, kindness or understanding. Hence not something i wish to support.

Because I have chosen to threaten my safety and humiliate myself to further the goals of elimination of stigma and furtherance of child protection, this is my path. I have no right to be resentful of the choices of others. 😉

Thank you commenters for
Reminding me of a better perspective. I have left all comments unedited. Namaste.

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12 Comments

  1. Sarah Olson said,

    June 6, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Well, at the risk of joining the #irritating:), people who need control are not necessarily being, at their core, dishonest or manipulative.

    You mention that people who haven’t figured out their boundaries or who are terrified of them being violated should maybe not say anything at all. Do you really believe that? I’d guess that you and I both have been in that position at some point in our lives. Trying so hard to control what is out of control, even to our own detriment. And doing it in a profound silence, for all the reasons we learned to do that. Sometimes the need to override the silence leaks out in annoying messy ways, no?

    Sure, some people stake their claim in a big lie that everyone around them plainly sees — or will, eventually. When I see it I have to ask (internally) why. My default position is that it may be *expressed* dishonestly or with manipulation, but that’s their way of dealing with fear. As opposed to it being a character flaw. And until I’m proven wrong, I think people acting this way are coming from that place of fear. (I *have* been proven wrong, but it’s like a handful out of hundreds. Those people truly qualified for way beyond #irritating.)

    When I react sharply to other people’s “stuff”, I try to figure out how much of it is really about my own “stuff”. There are random triggers just waiting to mess with me, and I’d rather know if one’s got me than not.

    Offered just as my experience. 🙂

    Sarah

    • June 6, 2010 at 2:34 pm

      Thanks for your comments hon. You’re right in many areas here. Each should speak of what they can. Of course fear is the driver in many cases. I suppose what really irritates me is that it’s not my desire to be documenting my shit so openly. It is not fun to describe humiliations. I choose to do so because I believe I can be of help to others. To eventually eliminate stigma and protect children. And yes, I am being a bad boddhitsatva a bad Buddhist and an impatient activist. Each of us determines all of us. We in our actions determine our world and cultural beliefs. For every one of us who thru fear or whatever fails to help move us all forward it takes ten of those like me–people who volunteer to humiliate themselves on a public forum. And yes, that’s annoying. I fight fear every moment of every day. And if I can do it anybody can.

  2. SYMontgomery said,

    June 6, 2010 at 11:40 am

    You both offer some very thought-provoking points. I try to be an open book and honestly portray myself to people. Sadly, over time, I have learned there are those who aren’t worthy of knowing the real me. I’ve had co-workers who used my mental illness and insecurities against me. There are those who gossip and those who wish tear us down. While I have taken steps to still be an open book and remove such toxic ones (including my own mother) from my life, there are still those unworthy of knowing the real me. As Ms. Olson stated, it has taken me quite awhile to discover my real self (a process) and to be comfortable with who I open up to. For some, it is too scary to be an open book and they will never reach a point to glorify the world with their light and that is sad as well as a tragedy to themselves.

  3. June 6, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    Controlling behavior is all about fear. I was a controller for many years when I left home and the rigid control of my dictator dad. Out of fear, I should call it terror of life and being hurt, I stepped in and became the same kind of controller that my dad was. I thought if I could control everything and everybody that I would feel safe. I didn’t. It made things worse until I realized what I was doing and slowly started to change myself and how I dealt with my fears. Today I recognize other controllers because I once was one. Today I feel sad for the controllers because I know how frightened they are. Control is just an illusion. The more out of control I was, the more I tried to control.

    • June 6, 2010 at 1:13 pm

      This is really more of what I was trying, obviously very poorly, to say. Conscious motivTion. Of course it’s all about fear, right? I am a bad Buddhist and therapist today. Each of us has her own path to tread. I guess I figure that if I can fight my fears every day that others can do so as well. It is not an easy thing to choose to be vulnerable to help. I don’t really want to be doing it. But change can only happen when change happens.

  4. June 6, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    Obviously there are bad people out there, obviously some can be of harm. Obviously people have differing levels of comfort with different people. Obviously those can change over time. There are things about me that none of you will ever know. However, I won’t get on about what those things are.

    I get that not everyone wants to help others. Activism and the lack thereof is a personal decision.

    Perhaps this has some to be with being gay. People who live in closets are not my kind of people. Obviously they have the right to be so for whatever reasons of their own. And that is none of my business. I came out at five. You can call it stupidity or luck or courage or whatever you like. I call it basic honesty.

    Maybe it’s that I am a Buddhist. We’re very interested in creating gratitude and compassion for all sentient beings. The basis of which is honesty. Always. It is my belief that people who manipulate others thru ego-driven “boundaries” are contributing to the world’s suffering. I suppose I should say rather than irritation that I feel compassionately towards them but also their decisions are not on an honest path.

    As I say–I definitely have my boundaries. Having chosen the boddhistava path in my religion and an activist in the temporal world however I do not believe that manipulation via ego-driven considerations is honest. Rather it detracts from my work.

    When we tell our stories we increase awareness and contribute. I am not saying that this needs to be anybody’s choice. My thing isy thing. Each of us has to follow our own path. But I have the right to be irritated, as do you.

  5. SYMontgomery said,

    June 6, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Please don’t be hard on yourself about your previous post. It was honest and open and I prefer it that way. It made us think about this topic, share our thoughts, and learn from each other. I thank you for your honesty and appreciate all that you and others shared today. I would not have wanted it any other way.

    • June 7, 2010 at 6:22 am

      Thank you, dear. So sweet of you to say. It is difficult to be patient with oneself at times, this being one of them. But I am glad you could appreciate it for what it was, a bit of spicy crabbiness. ;).

  6. June 7, 2010 at 8:17 am

    Spicy crabbiness is allowed and even appreciated some days. We love you for sharing who you are any day.

  7. Uptight people rule! said,

    September 14, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    You’re so judgmental and small-minded about uptight people. I, on the other hand, happen to like them because they’re like me in terms of personality. If I’m you, I’d leave them alone and let them be. After all, they have the right to live in this world. It isn’t your job to decide whether or not they can be here because they’re their own people.

    Whether you like it or not, there will always be uptight people in this world. So either you accept them as they are or you ignore them.

    If you want endanger, fine with me. But it’s your loss.


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