Coping or Avoidance?

I have been feeling out of touch for soms days now. Like i’m not connected in ways that i had previously felt.

I wake up and feel like flaming shit. Then i go into my coping stuff like worlinv out or palying wii golf or meditating or doing qi gong routes.

I know what this lesson is about. It’s about the idea that i have control over my life. That it doesn’t belong to my perpetrators. Also seeing the many many ways i havr spent my life trying to esfablish control. Meh, not so much.

When i do tbese things i do feel better. Calmer. I have chosen to not go sinking into the morass of shit that is there. I cope by doing stuff instead.

But i do not know if i am on the rivht path od the wronv one. It FEELS so wrong. But that may very well be because i have always followwd the fuckupedness to it’s conclusion of pain.

So am i being healthy, doing good self-care? Or am i just runninv away again? A bunch of me is saying just get to therapy C will figure it out with you. Tiny bits and pieces do not overload that only hurts you.

We’ll see this afternoon. I do not want to hide anymore i know that. Sheesh it’s hard.

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4 Comments

  1. June 9, 2010 at 10:50 am

    I am new to your blog from Army of Angels, I am DID and many of the thoughts you have put out there echo my own, you are in good company. I “hold onto the hope” everyday, try to distract myself into positivity with music, dance, yoga, cooking etc. Positive self talk and getting through each day 1 at a time, not to disturb the worry deep within.

    hugs, Amy

    • June 9, 2010 at 1:17 pm

      Well hi there! Love to meet new DIDers, it’s good when we can get together. Singletons can be fantastic people for certain but ya know what ya know, y’know? Glad you find some meaning here. I tweet as splinteredones as well if you do 😉

  2. June 9, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    It is hard to know the difference sometimes and it is a question that only you can answer for yourself. With feelings, I sometimes have to ask myself the same questions. All you can do is the best you can. Hugs and blessings to you.

    • June 9, 2010 at 1:18 pm

      Thank you hon. I suppose with practice I will learn to get the difference ;).


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