Making a good choice

I woke up this morning in total angst for like the fourth day in a row. Wifey’s far away and I have been just laying around, totally unfocused, since Tuesday. Lost in this idon’twannatakechargeofmylifeit’stoomuch thing. I have had the perception that I have to kick out the persons who have owned it thus far. Not so.

I can hear C in my head. She is saying your life is your own and nobody else’s whether you accept it or not so you might as well just do it. Nobody cando this for you.

And she’s absolutely right. I woke up this morning freaking and thinking oh god another day. Then click went off in my head. Go away, have some fun float on the frigid water, kayak a little bit, dance and eat lobster. Read by the fire. Just chill in you safe place. The safest place in the world for me.

So I called the sitter and said just do what you can. I can matter. It’s my life and I wanna go have fun. There is no reason but my own horrendous fear. Which is based on things that happened A long, long time ago.

Flight is beginning to board. I am surrounded by total strangers. And I am perfectly safe. No one is planning to jump on me or rape me or prostitute me out.

I have long said I’ve decided to go thru the fears to get to the other side. Lo and behold here I am. Living my life.

I called C to tell her I was going out of town. I don’t really know why. But she was all full of cheerleadery stuff and it made me happy. I also wanted to make sure she had my cellphone number in case she has to change our session for this coming Wednesday. In which case I’d stay longer. She said there aren’t gonna be a ton o people around will there because you might wanna think about that. Nope pretty empty she said that is just so great let your work w/me go and enjoy yourself. Stay present that’ll be work enough. Made me giggle after I hung up.

Well, I have to get on this plane to Boston. It’s a very long day of travel so I’m sure I’ll be back when I can. Thanks to my cheerleaders. You so helped me to see.

Feing quite full of myself

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10 Comments

  1. caren said,

    June 17, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooo happy for you!!!!! Jealous too! How how I would love to be lazing around in Maine!!!
    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! You are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You should be sooooooooooooooooooooooo full of yourself and I am glad that you are!!!!!!!!!

    I want to hear all about your great time!!!

    • Splinteredones said,

      June 17, 2010 at 2:47 pm

      Thanks for keeping on me hon. I owe ya big ;).

  2. Ravin said,

    June 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    You are the bomb!
    So glad you got this organized and left on an airplane!
    You’re so right you count and cats have a sitter they will thrive on their own.

    Enjoy this big step forward! It’s all yours.

    *pats on the back, as as in foot ball the ass, you know in a nonsexual way ;-)*

    Ravin

    • Splinteredones said,

      June 17, 2010 at 2:50 pm

      Maybe just a tiny bit, you know, flirty pat on the butt???? Thanks

  3. Melissa said,

    June 17, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Fabulous! Have a wonderful wonderful time. xx

  4. June 17, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Have a glorious time. We will be here when you get back.

    • Splinteredones said,

      June 17, 2010 at 3:50 pm

      C said no work just be present. So lots of cozy nothing and some snorkeling. Thank you for all your support dear.

  5. Karita said,

    June 18, 2010 at 4:06 am

    I’m just catching up on your last few posts. I read the one before this one and now I’ve read this and I’m crying with happiness for you. Crying as I imagine you giggling. Giggling is so much fun and I’m so glad you giggled. Right. I’m off to read the rest of your posts now. 😀

    • Splinteredones said,

      June 18, 2010 at 5:51 am

      Aww my dearest girl. Thank you.


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