Communication in Change

I have been in an absolute mess of a monogamous relationship for years now. We have had good breaks in here and there but basically it has been a nightmare.

It did not really matter all that much when I did not see that I have any value. Disposable, a waste of the oxygen I breathe. I spent over a decade just trying tomstay alive. There was not much room foe anything else in my life.

And as I begin to awaken to my life, to truly getting to live and laugh and experience–the damage that’s been wrought on my relationship is abundantly clear. Many things are not okay. I’ve been pissed off at my partner, sure she’s not going to be able to let go enough to give me some room.

So. She had a complete meltdown on minutes before my leaving for therapy. By the time I got to C I was livid. I notched for probably 35 minutes. All kinds of rage.

Then C as she can do says “I’m listening to you and I can’t tell what parts are your wife being too controlling and you being too passive.”

Bang. You mean that I can possibly be responsible for my life, for the relationships I have in it? You mean that communication might be possible? You mean that I might be able to talk and listen and talk about things that are starting to matter to me?

So wifey and I have been talking and it has been quite a learning experience. I understand her shit much better and I am letting her into mine. Which is intidaring and frightening and valuable at the same time.

I am very cautious. Wife is very cautious. We both have good reasons to be so. But a tiny bit at a time I am investing in something. I am investing in my relationship and that’s just huge.

T r. U. S t.

Advertisements

12 Comments

  1. Ravin said,

    July 26, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Trust is so hard to just do, give, accept for folks like us who have had it ripped away so young but it’s possible, really it is with lots of work of course.

    Glad you two are talking and making small progress. It’s good it’s nothing huge, those tend to crash. Good work Gal!

    Ravin

    • Splinteredones said,

      July 26, 2010 at 8:15 pm

      Thanks honey. Tiny steps.

  2. July 26, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    I was told a long time ago that as we grow and change, so do our relationships. It isn’t easy seeing your relationships changing sometimes especially when we have trust issues. It can be frightening. I was also told that if I grew and my husband didn’t that our relationship might end. That was the scariest thing of all. I guess my husband has grown enough because we will soon celebrate our 38th anniversary in August. As long as you talk to each other, there is always hope for the relationship.

    • Splinteredones said,

      July 27, 2010 at 6:31 am

      Yes, thanks. I always figured wifey needed to be protected from slot of my shit, so much of it so bizarre and hideous. Trying to control her, how she FELT. It’s interestin g to pick up your end 😉

  3. Karita said,

    July 27, 2010 at 3:47 am

    It was interesting for me to read this today.

    • Splinteredones said,

      July 27, 2010 at 6:35 am

      I bet it was hon. Hope ur okay with it. I just tealized that if I want a clicking partnership I need to hold up my end. Don’t even know what that is, bit at least I k ow it’s not silence yah?

      • Karita said,

        July 27, 2010 at 7:12 am

        Course I’m OK with it. And I’m happy to see you figuring stuff out. 🙂

      • Splinteredones said,

        July 27, 2010 at 7:22 am

        I am such an insensitive jackass. Should have warned u ant this one. So sorry dear.

      • Karita said,

        July 27, 2010 at 7:31 am

        No no, not inseinsitive at all! Seems a lot of us are working through issues like these at the moment.

      • Splinteredones said,

        July 27, 2010 at 8:27 am

        Yes, odd isn’t it? Take care honey. One at a time.

  4. doyourememberthattime said,

    August 1, 2010 at 9:39 am

    just found your blog. it’s very interesting. as someone in a “relationship” with a man who won’t commit, i suppose i see married couples as living in bliss. the grass isn’t always greener, eh ? we all have our issues to deal with.

    http://doyourememberthattime.wordpress.com

    • Splinteredones said,

      August 1, 2010 at 9:53 am

      Committted long-term monogamous relationships take a lot of hard work. A LOT. That’s what I have committed to, really. To doing the work.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: