Be my Yoko Ono

I am anqnimal behavioralist. In other words pretty much a dog trainer. Peopple come to me with their “bad dogs” and they expect that I will “fix” their pet.

I adjudge my success with a client by positive behavioral
Changes on the part of both human and dog. If things get worse, I know I’m not doing my job well. If behavior improves, if animal and human act “better”, then I am getting thru.

So when I am seeing a therapist I tend to judge their effectiveness with me based on if I’m feeling better. More importantly if I am DOING better. If i am more functional, more engaged and more competent. Healing.

Infail to understand how it can be that many therapist’s do not use this same kind of self-evaluation. I know there will be times when I’m going backwards. No doubt. You don’t have a history like mine and expect that things will
Always be smooth sailing.

But general trends have got to account for something.

I have a pretty busy routine these days. I get up, touch base on Twitter, answer my emails personal and Client-wise. I either go run/walking on my couch to 5k app or I do yoga for 45 minutes. Repair any damage with ice/painkillers, go see my clients, come home work for a couple three more
Hours. Meditate, go float in the pool if the weather’s okay, then practice piano for an hour or so. Pretty soon it’s 7:00 and i’ve had a full and forward-moving day.

I’ve come to this routine bit by bit over the past month or so. Soon after I started seeing C, my wizard of oz.

I think back 3 1/2 months. I carved Bitch on my abdomen inMorse Code (not much of a cutter before this). I went to therapy 3x a week and hated it but figured that while ifwas making me so hugely unstable something must be working. I could not work much @ all. I could not exercise or meditate positively. I had no interest. I contemplated suicide regularly. I had no real interest in anything. I was constantly being banged about by one crisis after another.

Big difference, right? Big difference. My meds were
Not changed, havent’t been changed in some 9 months.

So why is it that old T did not take my behavior as a sign of her success? I was falling fast. Surely she must have noticed this. But in our last meeting she said it is my behavior that is responsible for the leavetaking. That I should not be in individual psychotherapy that i needed all kinds of extra support. I asked her what she meant by that and the woman refused to answer me sheesh.

So there it is. I am seeing C once a week and am
Growing like a weed. She says it has little to do w/her that i am in a growth spurt right now.

But I know better. I know what a bad fit can do to me. And what a good fit will do as well.

I expect that I will be successful with my clients. I listen, I observe. I teach. You’d think that a therapist would take the same responsibility for their work as a dog trainer for god’s sake.

So, where does Yoko Ono come from? The other day this song came across my iPhone and it had me guffawing. A laugh like I don’t know I’ve ever known. There’s a line that really speaks to me: now that I’m far away it doesn’t seem to me to be such a pain to have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain. Which is what it felt like. Billable hours. Grrrrrr this makes me mad.

And by the way, if anybody wants to be my Yoko Ono lemme know. I’ll be holding auditions soon. See? Funny.



  1. August 1, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Just because someone gets a degree doesn’t mean they have the know-how or the compassion to be a therapist. Most people who go into the helping professions – doctors, nurses, counselors, therapists, teachers – go in with the idea of helping others because they are the ones who need to be helped. They are not usually aware that they are trying to help themselves by helping others. I became a house mother at 2 different children’s homes as a foster parent because of my own experiences as an incest survivor. What those kids taught me was that as much compassion that I had for them, I still couldn’t do much to really help them until I helped myself by facing my reality that I needed help with my incest issues. I know so much more now than I did then because I have worked on my own issues. Back then I reacted because they pushed my own unresolved issues buttons. Today I would be a much better foster mom than I was back then. Your therapist had her own unresolved issues which is why she couldn’t look at her own part in the drama between you.

    • Splinteredones said,

      August 1, 2010 at 12:06 pm

      Seems so. I’m sure she must be good for somebody–just not me 😉

  2. August 1, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Hi Splint – Patricia is right on there and I’d like to add that I noticed the same issues in my own work over the years. Therapy is one of those things where I expected them to know how to help me learn to overcome the issues that I came from – but what it became about was me fitting into their agenda and being a good patient. It was about coping and calling when in crisis, not about teaching me the life skills I needed to deal with this stuff. Hell – I was in therapy for over 15 years and didn’t know my “meltdowns” were because I was “triggered” and that I could learn to use those times as a way to grow beyond the past instead of avoiding it or medicating it. And I learned that outside of therapy. I’m glad you are with someone where you are seeing some progress. 🙂 Susan (@zebraspolkadots:))

    • Splinteredones said,

      August 1, 2010 at 12:08 pm

      Thanks hon. In such a great place. And if it’s a bad day? It’s just what is. Living the crisis-free life is fabulous ;).

  3. moreheads said,

    August 1, 2010 at 11:19 am

    A bad fit can just be so dangerous to the client, he’ll to the therapist as well, but we’re talking client here.

    My TD once told me a number of Ts go into it to just hear the gossip, the next to heal themselves and then the ones who check their issues at the door.

    There’s a lot to be said for “the good fit” and many therapists can be good for one and not another. Many therapist can take short term clients and do them well. These are generally not the therapist you want for severe issues and long term therapy as they tend to be rather short sighted in their treatment plan.

    The best therapists I’ve ever had did a their own therapy work, re-evaluate their work with their clients with the client and when needed get a consultation for things they many not have knowledge of or skills.

    I think it’s great the T you had a few months ago fired you, bad as it felt she did you a great service. As to how you do your work compared to a therapist well it just goes to show if you are hoping to guide someone to change it pays to look at the behavior your treatment elicits.


    • Splinteredones said,

      August 1, 2010 at 12:10 pm

      Exactly. Why things come to us…who knows. Step by step though

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