Chaos

Chaos is with me today. I do not know what the hell is going on. No coherent time line, voices seem to be mostly attacking one another today. The effect is unsettling as I’m the target since it’s all really just me.

Somebody with a loud voice is saying just quit therapy. C is a major target. Obviously threatened by the world and she is helpful, those bent on self-destruction want her out of there. But for the life of me I can’t really come up with a reason why to not just quit as the threat is just too huge.

I want to call her but there is just no way they will let that happen. And what is there to say?

All this comes from what was really just a failure in communication between me and this other person. But it has nothing to do with the real world anyway, it’s a trigger to bad events we had blocked long ago and far away.

I am not strong enough to really let anyone in as of yet. Too much chaos we’ll just stumble onto something else.

My focus for today is to get my own head back. For then I can use my coping mechanisms. Thank you to all the support people, ur grand.

Advertisements

14 Comments

  1. Karita said,

    September 14, 2010 at 9:10 am

    Take all the time you need, honey. And shout if there’s anything at all that I can do that may make things a little easier for you.

    *Hugs*

    *Hands over cookies*

    • Splinteredones said,

      September 14, 2010 at 9:27 am

      Thanks. Cookies? The littles are entranced.

      • Karita said,

        September 14, 2010 at 9:48 am

        Excellent, now something to appease the teens…

  2. susan said,

    September 14, 2010 at 9:42 am

    I haven’t been on Twitter much, but you know you are an awesome person, or should I say purrson???

    You are. Believe it. You are.

  3. Pandora said,

    September 14, 2010 at 10:07 am

    *massive hugs*

    xxx

    • Splinteredones said,

      September 14, 2010 at 10:18 am

      Thanks hon. I’ll take all we can get

  4. I'm DID & so am I said,

    September 14, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Isn’t it frustating some of us can’t be the person we should have been? Sometimes we have to let our guard down a little bit, let the chaos have it’s “say” and then say goodbye to it. I think that’s what happened to me this weekend. Unfortunately, I’m paying the price and an contemplating not going back to my therapist.

    You’re strong and will get back on track sooner than you think.

    Also, I have some cake for the teens, chocolate!

  5. Tiger said,

    September 14, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    Crayons and paper and animal crackers and a few stuffed animals, some good books, a foolish tv show, and many hugs for all.

  6. September 14, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    Hi, dear one. You know my gentlest, most peaceful thoughts are with you. We can’t possibly understand the depths of what you’re feeling, but the Tribe sends the following, in the hopes it will help:

    > glitter crayons and coloring book w/ stickers
    > a super-soft stuffy for snuggling
    > An artists notebook, spiral bound
    > Artist-quality colored pencils
    > A big, extra-long pillow you can punch and kick if you need to
    > A thermos filled with hot, spiced cider
    > A trashy novel in your choice of genre
    > A soft blanket in which to wrap yourself(ves) if needed

    And, last but not least, I send heartfelt wishes that the intensity will lessen, so you can take a deep breathe and decide which way you want to go. Whatever you choose, I’ll be supportive.

    Jo

    • September 15, 2010 at 8:34 am

      This is beautiful dear. Actually was my first real ray of sunshine. Thank you, love ya. Have a wonderful day.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: