So…Coping Works?

So. Coping skills. For my welloveradecade in therapy I have been consistently bitched at about coping skills. About doing things that will make me feel better.

Until I began working with C I always considered the counsel to invest in coping skills to get me out of whatever spin cycle I’d find myself. I always thought, oh great just give me a list of stupid meaningless shit to do, that’ll take away the horrid things that have happened to me. Listening to Eric Clapton will make up for sodomy. Thanks–here’s your gigantic check.

The first time I went to see C she says listen honey I can’t save your ass. You have to invest in yourself, you have to decide to get out of the morass in your head. Ok, so how do I do that exactly? By finding things to do to make you feel better, even if it’s only temporary. The more time you stay outta that place the longer you’re able to resist it.

Huh. Well nobody has put it to me that way before. So how do you know when a patient is getting better.

Ready to have your head blown off your shoulders? C looks at me says I know it’s working when they begin to live lives that are richer. Wow. Really? Yeah, you’re here on Earth now right? It’s about having the best time (however you define that) you can while you’re here.

What do you do for fun? I don’t really k ow what that means. Well, fun is things that take you out of your spin so you learn to tolerate it.

So. Why this clicked at this time with this stranger I Dunno and don’t really care. So I started working out a little bit. On my wii. Fun. Tried doing a run/walk thing for Pride. Really fun’. Tried painting again. Good times, adored it. Started running outside totally cool. Got a keyboard to teach myself piano. Fabulous. Stop compulsively writing writing writing the same repetitive shit. Good.

So, here I am. Coping. It works. I feel a budding sense of control. And as it turns out fun is a good thing. It doesn’t erase any of my past of course. But unless I’m in a total spinout I can choose to feel better.




  1. Sheri said,

    September 18, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Thank you for this post. A new perspective for me. You are awesome.

    • Splinteredones said,

      September 18, 2010 at 2:00 pm

      Glad to be of help 😉

  2. Susan said,

    September 18, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    And that’s a touchdown!

    I heard the same spiel awhile back…only my C wasn’t nearly as nice about it as yours was it sounds like:) I kind of felt like a baby being dropped off the edge of a tall building….”I can’t fix you and I”m not going to tell you how to fix you – go figure it out.” That was really about it – but I knew this was different than any other session where it was just a bitch session and then “take 2 pills and call me when you fall apart”.

    It was hard work but well worth it.

    Good to hear this kind of good news. Thanks for sharing your own journey through to get out of:)

    • Splinteredones said,

      September 18, 2010 at 2:02 pm

      Oh, I thought it was great. Finally, someone who isn’t trying to get me to depend on them. How honest. That’s my “click”

  3. IAmEchad WeAreOne said,

    September 19, 2010 at 1:35 am

    Woo-hoo! Go girl!

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