A New Thing

So this week I did something I have never done before. On Thursday nite/Friday morning I became aware, suddenly of course, of this way my head thinks that is very unflattering. Really freaked me out.

My habit is to ruminate on these things until I get angry then enraged then I beat myself up by falling into the Black Pit. Or thrown in with the relentless wolves of my brain.

I would have called my therapist eventually, broken without forseeable repair. Or curled up in bed and stayed there for days.

But this time I did something wholly different. I put it away until my session with C so she could help me put it into teeny bits. Manageable bits.

I have made it to C day bedraggled to be sure. Little thongs have been ticking away at me and I notice that I’ve had decreased flexibility to handle them. I have, just taken awhile.

The strain of keeping this flaming bag of shit in it’s place–away–has been very very draining. It has been popping up in the Voices, stubborn little SOB that it is. It wants me to just freak out. I just say go away you’ll have plenty of time w/the Wizard. It harangues me for abit. Then I just let it go and it’s gone.

It’s weird. Trust in your healing, trust in your healing. You can do this. C’s words echo in my head.

I might be mostly gone right now. I might have floated the day away yesterday. I might for some reason have a bottle of tequila sitting on the countertop with many, many limes. But I have made it. We’ll see what she has to say.

It has been a looooong week.



  1. Ravin said,

    September 29, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    You made it to C day! This is something you would never have made before, this is how healing is supposed to work. Go you!


    • Splinteredones said,

      September 29, 2010 at 4:53 pm

      I know! 😀

  2. Sheri said,

    September 29, 2010 at 5:09 pm

    Good for you that you were able to push it aside until it was time to deal with it.

    • Splinteredones said,

      September 29, 2010 at 5:55 pm

      Thanks. Brand new thing. Turns out what I thought was so FUBAR about my head is reeeeeally common. Gasp!

      At least I know I can do it again. That’s the valuable part.

  3. IAmEchad said,

    September 29, 2010 at 8:06 pm


    • Splinteredones said,

      September 29, 2010 at 8:56 pm

      Thanks ;).

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