Marriage: A Rant

Ok. Enough is enough. I am so tired of Marriage and Couples’ Counselors who toss around the word Marriage and talk of it in glowing terms, as something to improve upon, to fix. As if it’s a goal to be attained and sustained.

I get it. I get that few Marriage counselors want to deal with gay couples. If they did they wouldn’t offend us with the use of that word. I don’t believe that the dynamics of most monogamous gay/lesbian couples are really all that different from straight ones.

But when a therapist bandies abput the word Marriage s/he is furthering our invisibility, the cold hard cruel fact that gays are excluded from the collective rights inherent in the legal marriage status.

Marriage is not just a romantic statement that two people are committing to each other for better and for worse. Monogamy.

Marriage is a LEGAL contract. It gives financial reward from the IRS. It defines Power of Attorney. It defines Next of Kin status so that if one partner is in the hospital the other can’t be denied access to their hospital room. In the case of death of one partner it allows the living partner the right to make decisions regarding what to do with the body. It allows partners the right to make decisions regarding long-term and end-term health facilities. It allows for shared property.

This nation has decided time after time that gay people don’t get to have these basic rights. It’s nationally-recognized Hate Crime. Don’t kid yourself, this has nothing to do with what’s in the Bible or the Torah or the Koran. It is active Hate.

So. When a Marriage/couples’ Therapist tosses about the word Marriage and expects that the may have something relevant to say to me–they are spitting in my face and in the eye of every gay/lesbian couple that’s in a committed monogamous relationship.

Again. I am not saying here that These therapists should all see gay couples as well as straight ones. I would personally never see a straight therapist. But it really pisses me off when these people toss around the M word and say when they’re called on it that it’s just semantics. That the vocabulary they’ve chosen could just as easily be any other word.

I suppose i expect from the mental health community that they should be aware of these basic civil rights issues. If they don’t want gay clients–AGAIN–they don’t have to have them. But i DO expect that if they are going to toss the M word around that they take responsibility for their behavior. That they are endorsing national Hate Crime.

Don’t tell me that the word “Marriage” could just as easily be ANY other word. Because that is hypocritical and irresponsible. Get yourself enough cojones to admit your sanction of Hate Crime. It’s your choice. If you’re gonna make it take responsibility for your decisions. Don’t minimalize active discrimination.



Took my Girlfriend to Prom:1978

Okay. So a young lesbian in Mississippi wants to bring her girlfriend to the prom. The school fights back, in the immortal stupidity inherent in the Deep South. They cancel Prom altogether. They also contend that it’s against school policy for a girl to wear a tux on school grounds, which is appareny what the girlfriend wants to wear.

This young Lesbian is suing the school for her right to take her lovey to the Prom. Brave kid, bu I just cannot understand what is happening in this situation.

In 1977 and 1978 I took my girlfriends to the prom. Once we both wore dresses and once my girlfriend wore a tux. I had come out publicly in I believe 1972 of so, when I was 12. At both dances we received abit of crap from drunken football players but that’s about it. We were not the only gay couple there and it was just not an issue.

This took place in the hyper-affluent suburbs of Chicago. So yes, Jim Crow was never a tradition there. There was no black polling, no burning crosses no lynchings. Being socially liberal was what one aspired to.

But let’s face it. That was 30 years ago. So the state of Mississippi is 30 years behind? More like 100 years, folks. I recently saw a documentary about this town in Alabama where they were having a “mixed” prom for the first time in 2008. What was the “mix”? White and black students together in one prom. No segregation.

I will admit that I really dos not have a white-hot desire to go to my Proms. But I did have a burning desire to make a solid potical stand and lef’s face if, get laid at the end of the party hah

I just do not understand this st all. How backward some areas of our nation truly truly are. Big kudos for that babydyke from the land where segregation is kept to a minimum. My heart goes out to her!