I have made a pretty big decision. With this new therapist whoever they will be I am going to start ovah. I’ve been in therapy for so, so long. I have read and written and heard if seems just about all there is to know about trauma and dissociation.
Therefrom, I am pretty damn sure I know what is wrong with me. Unfortunately having this information does little to help me feel better.
So. This time I will do things differently. I won’t go in and talk about what is wrong with me with examples from my existence to back me up.
This time I will say this is how I feel. I feel that I can’t really tell what is real. I float all the time, I remember nothing with like a regular memory. I remember things by seeing them in front of me. I feel like I am a monster. I feel like sometimes I have like the brainpower and understand of a two year old.
I will say I know certain things that happened to me and I will talk about them when I am ready to do so, not when I feel pressured to talk prematurely.
I will say j cannot work much. I have no friends, never did. Never. People scare me to death.
I am going to talk about my reality. And let this person put the pieces together. I have decided to trust their knowledge. And see what happens.
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